I AM HOLDING YOU
	Approximately three months after our son died, my husband had an appointment to speak at a church in a nearby city. In the light of our recent loss we were very reluctant to keep the appointment, yet we did not want to cancel a longstanding arrangement. I was invited to sit in the very first row together with the pastor and worship team. Somehow, I was quite at peace that morning and enjoyed the service. Shortly afterwards my husband, not mentioning our loss, made a reference to heaven: "because we have loved ones over there". At that moment the pain struck me like a physical blow. I realised that if I started to cry I would not be able to stop the tears. Without blinking an eye or even moving my lips, my heart called out to God in a desperate prayer, "Father God, please hold me! Please hold me! Please hold me!" Instantly the inexpressible peace of God flowed through me! Afterwards, as the churchgoers started leaving the sanctuary I noticed a tall, attractive lady trying to reach the front. She was having difficulty moving against the outgoing stream of people. Then I realised she was heading for me. When she reached me, she simply opened her arms and embraced me, "Father God says: 'I am holding you. I am holding you. I am holding you,'" was all she said. Needless to say, my tears flowed freely. Utterly overcome, I was unable to speak to her about the profoundness of what had just taken place. The comfort of receiving these words, as it were, straight from the heart of God in response to my silent prayer, was the most miraculous gift of love I could possibly have received at that time! Having been so riddled with fear and doubt about God, I was made aware of His love for me like never before! My heavenly Father's astounding reaction has birthed a security in me so profound that I will never doubt His very personal love for me again. Recently my husband returned to the same town to speak at a different church where he shared this incident. After the service the same tall, attractive lady approached him. Never having heard about my cry to God on that day so long ago to which she responded in obedience to the Holy Spirit, it must have been a tremendous blessing and encouragement to her! May your awareness of God's deep love and care for you increase as you learn to deal with the brokenness and grief that are remnants of Adam that we have inherited. It takes immense courage to hold onto your faith when bad times hit like a storm out of nowhere. The truth is that if you let go and allow doubt and indifference to take hold of your heart, you will end up battered and broken, washed up on the shores of life's turbulent seas. We are only safe in the powerful Presence of God. You may perhaps think that you are already battered to where there is nothing left to live for. Not so, my friend. In spite of not being able to understand the entire scenario at play here, you will be infinitely worse off away from God. The enemy may try to entice you into doubt with his old cliché, "If a loving God does that to you, or has allowed this to happen to you, then He is not worthy of your love and worship." Believing this lie will cause the final destruction of your faith and peace of mind! God's plan for man's salvation spans eternity. We have a very limited period of time to impact this sin-sick and broken world and a decidedly restricted sphere of influence. Not very many reach thousands. Each one of us touches only the lives of those we come into contact with every day. If we do not experience the loss of loved ones, tragedy and up-heaval, how will we be able to minister to those around us when they, in turn, are faced with similar sorrows? What the enemy plans as an act of hateful destruction against God's precious children, God recycles into His glory and a useful addition to your weaponry. In His omnipotence God is well able to prevent all loss and tragedy in this broken world, but there are times when He does not. If we are not strengthened and equipped and trained to stand in the face of adversity, who will keep God's appointment with the broken ones? Who will bind the broken-hearted and set the captives free on His behalf? None of our suffering is senseless in the long run. God never wastes a hurt! Realising my utter helplessness and dependence on the strong hand of a great God, more so, a loving, caring Father, brought about a surrender that may earlier not have been possible. I still do not have the answers to my questions. I no longer care for answers and I no longer feel I need to know why, but, if God can be glorified in any way through my life, then I am at peace. Take courage and reach out to God this very moment for the comfort and healing that you so deeply desire! The Shepherd of your soul will hear your cry and hasten to your side. Not that He was not there all the time... [I am holding YOU, I am holding YOU, I am holding YOU! Helen du Plessis (Cell: 083 332 0895), Carpe Diem Media, 2016].